Here's a tip to all the wanna-be comedians and people who want to get paid by writing down funny stuff:
THE BEST JOKES WRITE THEMSELVES!
To wit: from http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington/2005-11-25-brown-disasters_x.htm by way of the AP...
Ex-FEMA head starts disaster planning firm
DENVER (AP) Â Former FEMA Director Michael Brown, heavily criticized for his agency's slow response to Hurricane Katrina, is starting a disaster preparedness consulting firm to help clients avoid the sort of errors that cost him his job.
"If I can help people focus on preparedness, how to be better prepared in their homes and better prepared in their businesses Â because that goes straight to the bottom line Â then I hope I can help the country in some way," Brown told the Rocky Mountain News for its Thursday editions.
Brown said officials need to "take inventory" of what's going on in a disaster to be able to answer questions to avoid appearing unaware of how serious a situation is.
In the aftermath of the hurricane, critics complained about Brown's lack of formal emergency management experience and e-mails that later surfaced showed him as out of touch with the extent of the devastation.
The lawyer admits that while he was head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency mistakes were made in the response to Katrina. He also said he had been planning to quit before the hurricane hit.
"Hurricane Katrina showed how bad disasters can be, and there's an incredible need for individuals and businesses to understand how important preparedness is," he said.
Brown said companies already have expressed interested in his consulting business, Michael D. Brown LLC. He plans to run it from the Boulder area, where he lived before joining the Bush administration in 2001.
"I'm doing a lot of good work with some great clients," Brown said. "My wife, children and my grandchild still love me. My parents are still proud of me."
Can you imagine their advertising?
1) We'll Show You What Not To Do
2) The Company You Turn To When You Hate Poor Minorities
3) We Do A Heck of a Job
4) Sprained Horse Ankle? I Got Your Back. If It's a Flood, You're F*cked
5) When You Absolutely, Positively Need To Drown Tonight
6) Many Satisfied Client.
7) Hey, It Wasn't My Idea to Make A City UNDER SEA LEVEL! Come On, Cut Me Some Damned Slack!
8) I Can Help If It's Easy
9) Providing Conceptual Support to Evil Corporate Overlords Like in James Bond Movies
10) Infamous Since 2005
Besides the obvious punchlines, and, of which there are many, what I want to know, in all seriousness, is ... what kind of a syncophantic world does this guy live in where he thinks this business venture is even a sliver of a good idea? He must surround himself with folks with more of a brown-nose than a blind midget in a nudist colony.
It's galling to me that a man who many people feel was not interested in saving New Orleans' residents during the flood would think that this is a good time to start this venture. His name has become synonymous (typo corrected 11/28/05) with "aloof" and "failure" - and his e-mail legacy at FEMA is not exactly indicative of somebody with a heart of gold.
This is akin to Russell Crowe teaching anger management classes, O.J. being a murder investigator, or Paris Hilton teaching spelling.
Still, this is America, where people get second, third, fourth and even fifth acts.
Just ask Robert Downey Jr., Steve Howe and Darryl Strawberry.
((Notice how two of them were New York Yankees?))