Wednesday, April 06, 2005

How Slow Is My DC Commute?

slower than...

1) a redneck in college
2) a Japanese taxi driver
3) an old guy in the buffet line
4) a fat kid in gym class
5) George W Bush in a spelling bee
6) Bil Clinton in a sorority house
7) Larry King in a marathon
8) a Jamacian bobsledder
9) a Nebraska slalom
10) a fire drill at a nursing home (slip-sliding away...)
11) an amputee doing sign language
12) Stevie Wonder speed reading
13) the Robert Blake jury
14) the keynote address at the NORML convention "Hey, man...who's hungry?"
15) Ozzy Osbourne doing math
16) a made-for-Lifetime movie
17) introductions at the first meeting of Stutterers Anonymous
18) Mexican Basketball League's Slam-Dunk Contest "it's day three and nobody's tall enough to touch the rim!!!"
19) You know that guy in the `86 Escort doing 20 MPH under the speed limit willingly on an other-wise empty road? Well, slower than that.
20) a stoned barista at Starbucks "A decaf maci-what, man?"
21) a southerner trying to give directions
22) a southerner in med school
23) an Amish rave
24) a turtle porno
25) pretty much any Kevin Costner movie since Bull Durham
26) Bingo night at the Tourette's foundation
27) a southern library
28) a Wal-Mart greeter
29) the relative airspeed of the Aruban horsefly in given revolution to the PRX-49 asteroid rotating in the 4th ring of the Van Claussen belt.
30) double-coupon day at Shopper's Food Warehouse


No comments: