Thursday, October 14, 2004

My Own Private MapQuest

--- Evan Kreitzer wrote:
> don't know if he'll be there, he has a lot going on
> at work this week. I'll try and get him out there,
> having beer there may help to draw my meathead
> friend out of the faraway land we call Columbia.

Here's how to get out of Columbia, Tully:

Just turn left at the cul-de-sac, right at the planned
community, go straight at the intersection of Kind Bud
Path and Dismissed Soccer Mom Parkway, by that road
that curves by that gas station you don't see until
you've passed it, hang a baby-u-ee on Whispering
Deerprint Babbling Brook Stone House Lane, go
catty-corner by Flatuence Meadows Village and when you
see the Best Buy, bang a right. Up ahead there will be
a sign that says "US 29 - 3 miles." Should only take
about 2 hours at that point. Tully, you'll circle
around Broken Hip Parkway, and you'll see Vague
Concept Road. Don't do anything there. When the light
changes, you'll pass by Holden Caulfield Boulevard,
but, it's a phony sign and you won't care. You'll see
the Best Buy again, but this time a little retarded
kid from New Hampshire will tell you "Blug." But,
he'll also be gesturing to a sign that says "US 29 - 9
Miles." So, you're getting close.

By this time, you'll be thirsty, so choose which
Starbucks to go to - there are only three at that
intersection, so for God's sakes man, don't go towards
the corner sans Starbucks - and get a half-caf,
half-decaf macchiato from that pierced, ironic guy
"Bryce" - don't worry, he works at all three. He'll
give you extra foam for free, if you know what I mean.
You'll cross over Pointing Asian Way and Alarmed Dog
Run, make a right on that curvy road, and then watch
out for Bitter Divorce Lake - it sneaks up on ya and
will take your car if you fall into it. If you get
past that, though, you'll see the ramp for 29, which
leads to 40, which leads you to the Beltway, and then
you're clear.

If you see the school for gimp kids, you've gone too

Hope this helps.

- me

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