Thursday, November 01, 2007

Game of the Century (granted, it's a young century)

If you watch ESPN for more than like, what, 30 seconds, you'll quickly gather that the entire sporting world will grind to a halt to watch the New England Patriots play the Indianapolis Colts this weekend. A match-up of two undefeated teams this late in the season is rare, and the fact that Indy has been very good, while New England has been downright shockingly good, and this game has more hype than a nude picture of a circa 2004 Lindsay Lohan picture.

Let's hope this game doesn't look like a strung-out 2006 nude LiLo photo.

The Colts are playing methodical, yet exciting football. The defense is quite solid, and the offense has been a typical Peyton Manning offense. But the Patriots...they're not just winning games, they are embarrasing the other team. It's like watching a college team playing toddlers each week - it's not even close. New England is winning games by 25, 35, 45 points each week. They are SCARING teams. The Patriots just clobbered a very decent Redskins team this past weekend, 52-7, and the score could have been worse for Washington had the Pats not put in second and third stringers. Tom Brady has more touchdown passes than hot ex-girlfriends...and he has a lot of hot ex-girlfriends. Wes Welker has been every bit as good as his former roommate and buddy, Baltimore Raven Mike Smith, said he'd be. Randy Moss's hands are so amazing, he could catch an STD from a virgin in a different state.

In 20 years, the Patriots will replace "the boogeyman" as a child's nightmare. Parents will warn their brood about the evils of Team Belicheck. Jason Campbell will wander the earth, mumbling like an earthquake victim, mumbling "so...many...fumbles..." over and over again.

DAD: "Eat your vegetables, so you can be big and strong."
UNRULY KID: "I don't wanna."
DAD: "Finish your meal, or the boogieman will get you."
UNRULY KID: "There's no such thing as the boogieman."
DAD: "Better eat your vegetables, or the 2007 Patriots are gonna get you."
UNRULY KID: "eeeek! More Brussel Sprouts, please!"

If I have kids, I'm gonna put pictures of Mike Vrabel around their beds to keep them in line.

If the Colts win this weekend, that's what Super Bowl Champs are supposed to do. If New England wins, nobody, not even my beloved Ravens, will stop them this season. Maybe the X-Men might, but only if Wolverine guards Randy Moss.

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