Monday, August 15, 2005

Stewie Griffin - The Untold Story - Reviewed by the Five Paragraph Bitter Film Critic

Allright, I can hear you griping already, my fine audience of morally-upright folks. "How dare you review a DVD movie that hasn't come out yet? Why would you support illegal file sharing and the theft of intellectual property? Why, I never!" Why yes, my sin-free flock, you are right. I am bad. I am naughty. I downloaded a movie that hasn't been released yet. Do I feel guilty about it? Not one bit. See, because I love the Family Guy, I will buy at least one copy for me, about 5 copies as gifts, and, thanks to people like me who downloaded the original tv broadcasts, the show is back on the air. So, I'm sorry if I don't see where I'm exactly harming anybody, as I wear my Family Guy-licensed "Evil Monkey" t-shirt. Now, on to the movie.

First things first - it is DAMNED funny. The story appears to be three seperate stories about Stewie, the maniacal omnisexual baby, and his quest to find out his place in the world. After a near-death experience sends Stewie briefly into Hell, he decides to become, once and for all, a "good boy." One day, he sees on TV a man who looks a lot like himself in San Francisco - could this be Stewie's REAL father? So Brian and Stewie hit the road in Quagmire's Winnebago (a.k.a. the Wanna-Bang-O) RV and go on a roadtrip. Glen's goal is to do a chick in each state, and the three head westward.

The best line in the movie comes from Brian looking at the sign Quagmire put on the side of the Wanna-Bang-O - "Cross Country Trip" BRIAN: Shouldn't there be a 'U' in Country?" QUAGMIRE: "Nope!"

Then again, hearing Stewie, Peter and Lois all drop the "F-Bomb" without that annoying little beep is pretty much up there, too. Peter's almost nonsensical rant about that damned Lindsay Lohan, "and her outfits, all up there, in her little outfits. What do you want, Lindsay, do you want to go out with me, is that what you want?" And, by the way, Meg gets a sex change, Stewie shaves his ass, Brian gets him drunk, Chris becomes a cop, and Asian reporter Tricia Takinawa love David Bowie long-time.

In short, it's an hour and a half of Family Guy. There are just a couple of stretches of slowness, and a couple of jokes that just don't hit, but, it's yet again a brilliant slice of hilarity from Seth MacFarlane and his crew. 90 minutes of Family Guy is works quite well.

----------------- Total Rating : 6 out of 6.5 Whammies. A 1/2 Whammy was deducted for an extremely long download time. -------------------------------------------------------------

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