Tuesday, August 17, 2004

arrivals and departures

The man who was once known as Lurch arrives back in Merryland tomorrow for a little visit to the family and friends he left behind. Left behind so many years ago (ok, really, only about six of them....friends and years, that is) to pursue the bright lights of Los Angeles, trying to get a hug from that addictive mistress known as "Fame." Several extra gigs, a potential porno audition, a couple of lines on "Spin City" and a modelling shoot that seemed so minor at the time have been Lurch's only brushes with the aforementioned mistress. Fame's trusty sidekick "Fortune" has been almost as elusive, though a regular gig at Six Flags Magic Mountain has been keeping the bill collectors at bay.

Six Flags is a milestone for me, a Mecca and a false prophet all in one. Milestone - because it marked the first time myself and my bestest friend of damned near a quarter century had even been on a roller coaster together. Mecca, because I loves me the roller coasters. And, false prophet, because, as Lurchy can attest, the woman who wanted to be my agent in 2000 would probably get me a gig as "Stepdad" in a family-based sitcom starring her and her (admittedly) two really cute kids. The part of "Bitter Ex-Husband" would have been played by, ironically, her bitter ex-husband. Hilarity ensues.

Within two weeks, I will be going to the only thing Six Flags, Magic Mountain, has in competition for being the best roller coaster park in the free world - Cedar Point in Sandusky, Ohio. Home of the biggest and fastest coasters in the world - for now - until some park in Asia decides it needs the fastest and/or biggest coaster next year.

Which I don't get. As a rule, the humans who reside and breed in North America are pretty much the biggest people in the world, Yao Ming and Magnus von Magnusson not withstanding. If the average Asian is 5% shorter and lighter than an average American, don't their roller coasters need to be 5% shorter and slower for the same thrill?

Or is it that they get 5% more thrills than an American on the same ride? Same logic. If that's the case, I want a refund, Kings' Dominion.

Going to the laundromat to wash the bedsheets and blankets. Working on my Family Guy spec script tonight. Came up with six jokes for it at work today; can only remember 2 of them. If I played for the Red Sox, I'd be an all-star. Since I don't, it's just frustrating.

- me

No comments: